The Office
by DowagerMcGonagall
Summary: May left SHIELD and ends up temping for a paper company. Will she be able to survive the chaos of The Office or does she want to return to the chaos of the SHIELD world.


I own nothing. This is based on some episodes from The Office (US version). I don't own that either.

* * *

"Qiaolian, get up. Its time for work. Don't want to start the day off on the wrong foot."

Her mother said that phrase everyday this week and she was sick of it. She should have gotten her own place so she wouldn't have to hear it but her Mother insisted that she stay for a while.

She left SHIELD, plain and simple. She wasn't sure it was what she wanted to do anymore, so she left. People (Phil and Skye) practically begged her to stay but she needed this and she wanted to do this.

Her Mother thought it was a great idea and helped her get a job at her old agency. She lasted there a day. Half the people she worked with were intimidated by her and the others were only nice to her because of her Mother. So she quit, not before putting a few items in jello first.

It took her awhile to find another job but eventually she was successful. She ended up temping for some paper company. The work was boring but at least something new and ridiculous happened everyday.

On her first day, the company had a merger so she wasn't the only new person there. Which would have been fine if the boss (who was an idiot by the way) decided to make a big deal about it. He showed an introductory video and had all the new people sit in chairs on top of a table. This "Celebration" as he called it lasted all day long and it was a waste of time.

She was going to quit the next day, but when she got home she heard her Mother talking on the phone and saw her writing in a notebook. She didn't know who it was but she heard the word: bet. Her Mother was taking bets and it was most likely about her and how long she would last in a normal workplace. Did no one believe that she could live a normal life and do normal things?

So as her Mother slept, she found the notebook and looked through it to see who was placing bets. Skye had her lasting until lunch the first day, Hunter bet that she wouldn't make it through the front door, and Coulson bet three days. Everyone was betting against her, even Simmons! And she thought these people were her friends, well maybe not Hunter but still. She had to last at least a week at this place just so no one would win. She'll show them.

* * *

She was currently getting ready for her fourth day at this place. She managed to survive three days of pointless and boring meetings. She also ate a lot of cake during the week, who knew people celebrated birthdays a lot and had parties for every little thing. Yesterday they had a funeral for a bird, this place was slowly testing her patience.

"I packed you some lunch. Its your favorite." said her Mother holding out a brown paper bag as she was about to walk out the door.

"Thanks."

As she got in the car, her Mother waved goodbye and told her to have a great day at work and once again told her to try to make some friends today. What is this, elementary school? Once at work, she had to sit through a meeting on different religious beliefs and curses. Honestly, what does that have to do with selling paper?

It was after lunch, when Dwight said that he smelled something smoky. He was a weird one and believed that she used to work for a secret government agency due to the fact that he called her references and all the numbers were disconnected. He interrogated her about it for almost an hour on her second day but he learned nothing. He was right then and also happened to be right at this very moment.

She saw smoke seeping underneath a closed door and that's when everyone started to lose it. They were yelling and running in every direction. They soon discovered that all the doors were jammed shut and the handles were too hot to touch. So they were surrounded by fire and everyone was scrambling to escape the building.

The boss went into the conference room and tried to bust the window open by throwing a chair (that didn't work), then a projector (that worked), and screamed for help to the people outside the building. One man tried to escape through the ceiling and a woman also threw her cat (that explains the meowing she's been hearing these past couple of days) up the ceiling but it fell back down through the other side. The others were trying to slam the copier against one of the doors in order to open it but they weren't successful.

So in order to save their lives, she walked through the crowd at the door and asked them to move.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm saving your lives."

She kicked the door open when Dwight yelled that the fire wasn't real. That it was just a test of emergency preparedness and it was only a simulation. After he said that, one of their co-workers fell to the ground. Apparently he was having a heart attack. Great, just great. If she stayed here any longer, she was going to die of a heart attack.

"That's it. I quit!" she yelled.

"Going back to work for you're secret government agency?" asked Dwight over the commotion of their fallen co-worker.

"Yes I am. I never thought I would say this but I'm in more danger here than I am in actual life and death situations."

So she walked out the door and after stopping by at her Mother's and telling her the news, she drove straight to the base. Now she wasn't entirely sure how she would ask for her job back but she hoped that Coulson doesn't make it too hard for her.

* * *

She arrived on base in the evening. No one there when she parked and her lanyard still worked. Guess they haven't gotten around to deleting her from the system. She walked down the hallways until she heard noises coming from the kitchen. When she entered the kitchen doorway she saw that they had just finished dinner.

"So, can we go?" asked Simmons.

"No." said Coulson.

"Why not?" asked Fitz.

"Because it's a waste of time and resources."

"May would let us do it." grumbled Skye.

"Let you do what?" she asked.

"Go to see the fireworks tomorrow night."

"Sure, I'll even take you."

"Thanks May." said Skye before leaving the kitchen. She walked (ran) back in thirty seconds later.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Can't I visit?"

"You can, but what do you want? I thought you quit." said Coulson who was obviously still upset about her decision.

"I did, but having a normal life is not what I want."

"You guys would not believe what Billy just told me, May is back. Now who won the bet?" asked Hunter as he walked into the kitchen with Bobbi and Mack.

"Definitely not you Hunter, since you said that I wouldn't even make it through the front door." she said while glaring at him.

"You know?" asked Bobbi.

"I know everything and since I found out about it, all the money is going to charity."

Everyone started to argue about her decision about how unfair it was and how she had no right to do so.

"So how long did you last anyway?" asked Coulson once everyone calmed down.

"I quit today."

"Seriously? You lasted way longer than any of us thought you would." said Mack

"Once I found out about the bet I stayed longer, just so no one would win."

"Of course you did. So why'd you quit."

"I'm better off dealing with crazies who want to take over the world then working in an American Workplace."

* * *

Thanks for reading. The whole fake fire drill is from the episode Stress Relief (S5 E13). Just google fire drill the office if you want to see the actual scene.


End file.
